God's Sense of Humour

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Offline HEVEN67

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God's Sense of Humour
« Reply #25 on: May 03, 2007, 07:40:06 pm »
That'S  N F G!
I only finally eventually completely happilly slowly embarressingly got her home tonite, no one saw me, I can guarantee that!
The smokes still hasnt cleared!:+
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Real muscle cars have 3 pedals. Where theres smoke theres Tyres

Offline 2233

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« Reply #26 on: May 03, 2007, 07:43:05 pm »
Does it change gear? Or is it stuck in one gear?

Whats the chances of a sneak preview of a bit of footage?

Have you had a look on the big screen yet?
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Offline edd666

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« Reply #27 on: May 03, 2007, 07:43:38 pm »
have u looked into what the problem might be
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Offline HEVEN67

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« Reply #28 on: May 03, 2007, 08:00:11 pm »
Quote
Originally posted by echo
Does it change gear? Or is it stuck in one gear?

Whats the chances of a sneak preview of a bit of footage?

Have you had a look on the big screen yet?



OOOhhhh! How good is it! AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaawsome!
 I musta watched it ............10 times! Smoke,fuel, oil!
even more than on the way home!
There's one bit that when I played it the TV almost fell off the wall unit!
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.




Real muscle cars have 3 pedals. Where theres smoke theres Tyres

Offline mach70

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« Reply #29 on: May 03, 2007, 08:04:10 pm »
OOOhhhh! How good is it! AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaawsome!
 I musta watched it ............10 times! Smoke,fuel, oil!
even more than on the way home!
There's one bit that when I played it the TV almost fell off the wall unit! [/quote]

Hey Heven67,

Cant be as bad as mine a few years ago.

Just finished rebuilding motor & C4 on my ZK Fairlane and took it for a blast to "see what she could do"......220-230km/h and bang....snapped the rear extension on the C4 in half :+

It now resides on my wall (the rear extension).

Shawn
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Offline edd666

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God's Sense of Humour
« Reply #30 on: May 03, 2007, 08:26:04 pm »
heven check your u2u
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Offline HEVEN67

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God's Sense of Humour
« Reply #31 on: May 03, 2007, 08:54:00 pm »
Just finished rebuilding motor & C4 on my ZK Fairlane and took it for a blast to "see what she could do"......220-230km/h and bang....snapped the rear extension on the C4 in half :+

It now resides on my wall (the rear extension).

Shawn [/quote]

No mine didnt blow apart! How close to the house were you driving?
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.




Real muscle cars have 3 pedals. Where theres smoke theres Tyres

Offline mach70

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God's Sense of Humour
« Reply #32 on: May 03, 2007, 10:56:21 pm »
Quote
Originally posted by HEVEN67
Just finished rebuilding motor & C4 on my ZK Fairlane and took it for a blast to "see what she could do"......220-230km/h and bang....snapped the rear extension on the C4 in half :+

It now resides on my wall (the rear extension).

Shawn


No mine didnt blow apart! How close to the house were you driving? [/quote]


Was about 10kms or so had to ring the old man as tranny drained of all fluid...but I coasted for 4-5kms...........

He asked me what speed ummmmmm 120 or so I went :*

Wasnt till I got home that I realised that I had destroyed the rear housing.


Shawn
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Offline HEVEN67

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« Reply #33 on: May 06, 2007, 11:21:15 am »
Womens Asses
There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their ass. The results were pretty interesting:

85% of women think their ass is too big...

10% of women think their ass is too little...

The other 5% say that they don't care - they love him and would have married him anyway
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.




Real muscle cars have 3 pedals. Where theres smoke theres Tyres

Offline HEVEN67

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God's Sense of Humour
« Reply #34 on: May 14, 2007, 04:37:05 pm »
A bloke got a unexpested visit from GOD.
The bloke said to GOD what can I do so as I go to HEVEN?
GOD replied:  You must give up the fags,grog and sex!
Is that all? he replied:
Thats it! GOD said.

A couple of months later GOD retured to the bloke,
Howd you go? Ready for HEVEN? GOD said.

Well the fags were easy, The grog wasnt so difficult either, But the sex, well...... I one day I seen my wife bending over getting something from the fridge..and well I couldnt help myself.

Im sorry! But HEVEN wont like that sort of behaviour! GOD said.
The Bloke replied: No neither did COLES!
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.




Real muscle cars have 3 pedals. Where theres smoke theres Tyres

Offline ron

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« Reply #35 on: May 14, 2007, 08:02:49 pm »
SEE!! I told you Phill has a sense of humour!              .... What  does WIFE stand for.... Washing, Ironing, Food and Entertainment:a
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Offline HEVEN67

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« Reply #36 on: May 14, 2007, 08:58:15 pm »
Quote
Originally posted by ron
SEE!! I told you Phill has a sense of humour!              .... What  does WIFE stand for.... Washing, Ironing, Food and Entertainment:a




I thought W=winging?
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.




Real muscle cars have 3 pedals. Where theres smoke theres Tyres

Offline Brett_T

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« Reply #37 on: May 14, 2007, 09:00:54 pm »
Confucious also says
 " Man that have sex on side of hill, not on the level";3
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Offline Brett_T

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« Reply #38 on: May 15, 2007, 09:23:02 am »
A woman , standing nude , looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband,
"I look horrible , I feel fat and ugly .  Pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's Bloody perfect."


No offence to any ladies reading these...;+
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Offline FST68

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« Reply #39 on: May 17, 2007, 03:21:32 pm »
>           Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,
>           but she belonged to someone else...
>
>
>           One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to
>           her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me
>           screw you. But the girl said NO.
>
>
>           Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on
>           the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the
>           time you pick it up. "
>
>
>           She thought for a moment and said that she would have
>           to consult her boyfriend... So she called her
>           boyfriend and told him the story.
>
>
>           Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the
>           money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
>           pants down."
>
>
>           So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour
>           goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
>           girlfriend to call.
>
>
>           Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and
>           asks what happened.
>
>
>           She responded, "The bastard used coins!"
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Offline HEVEN67

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God's Sense of Humour
« Reply #40 on: May 18, 2007, 07:29:06 pm »
My wife has a speech impedament!
she somtimes has to to stop to breath!!!
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.




Real muscle cars have 3 pedals. Where theres smoke theres Tyres

Offline shelby_mustro

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God's Sense of Humour
« Reply #41 on: May 19, 2007, 09:55:22 pm »
> >An elderly Sydney couple, both well into their 80s, goes to a sex
therapist's
> >office.
>>
>>The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"
>>
>>The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
>>
>>The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such
>>
>>an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
>>
>>When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely
>>
>>nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for
>>
>>coming, wishes them good luck, charges them $50, and says good-bye.
>
>>The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist
to
>>watch again
>>
>>The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several
>>
>>weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with
no
>>
>>problems, pays the doctor, then leaves.
>>
>>Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm
sorry,
>>but I have to ask.
>>
>>Just what are you trying to find out?"
>>
>>The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's
>>
>>married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't
>>
>>go to my  house.
>>
>>The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $169. We do it here
for
>>
>>$50, and I get $43 back from Medicare".
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R_Beckhaus

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« Reply #42 on: June 08, 2007, 07:17:21 pm »
What's the difference between a fox & a dog?


2 beers!
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Offline nassi

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« Reply #43 on: June 08, 2007, 08:06:05 pm »
Quote
Originally posted by R_Beckhaus
What's the difference between a fox & a dog?


2 beers!


:+:+:+:+:+:+:(
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Offline HEVEN67

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« Reply #44 on: June 08, 2007, 09:58:05 pm »
Your a cheap drunk!...@ 2 beers.


A newly wed couple arrive at the honeymoon suite,
they are about to be intimate when the husband removes his shoes and sox,
his bride looks at his toes and sees they are all curled up, she askes
"why are your toes curled up?"
he replies " i had TOLIO when I was a boy"
 she says " you mean POLIO"
"No TOLIO, It only effected my toes"
Then he removes his trousers and she sees his knees
"whats wrong with your knees"
"I had NEAZELS when I was a kid"
then he removes his underpants
and she says
"don't tell me you had SMALLCOX"
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.




Real muscle cars have 3 pedals. Where theres smoke theres Tyres

Offline dropbearracing

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God's Sense of Humour
« Reply #45 on: June 11, 2007, 09:31:44 pm »
BIG AL STUMBLES INTO THE DUBBO PUB WITH A CAT AND AN EMU.
THE BARTENDER YELLS " NO ANIMALS IN THE PUB BIG AL",
BEFORE AL CAN REPLY THE CAT YELLS BACK " GO GET STUFFED YOU LUMP OF SH$%" AND THEN FOLLOWS WITH " SET THREE BEERS UP , AND MAKE IT QUICK OR I WILL SCRATCH YOU PEN$% OFF."
THE BARTENDER LOOKS PUZZLED AND DAZED WITH WHATS CONFRONTING HIM, HE HAS TO ASK BIG AL WHAT GIVES WITH HIS NEW FRIENDS.
BIG AL REPLYS TO ALL PRESENT, " I FOUND A WISHING WELL OUT BACK, IT READ A WISH GRANTED FOR $2.00 , ALL I HAD WAS FIFTY CENTS."
BY NOW WORD SPREAD AROUND TOWN, THE PUB WAS PACKED.
BIG AL CONTINUES " IVE GOT NOTHING TO LOSE HERE, SO I WISHED FOR A TALL BIRD WITH A TIGHT PUSS% , AND CRAP ME I GET A BLOODY EMU AND A STUCK UP CAT.":2:+:2
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R_Beckhaus

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« Reply #46 on: June 14, 2007, 03:43:10 pm »
Pierre the Free French Fighter Pilot was out for a night on the town and met a real looker. After wine,dinner and dance, they ended up in Pierre's flat. The woman said to Pierre :-
"Pierre I av ad a wonderfool evening! A kiss would make it Perfec!" So Pierre went over to a small, intricately carved wall cabinet, opened the doors, pulled open the top drawer and removed a small glass vial of liquid, which he held up to the light, then removed the stopper and sniffed the contents. He took the liquid over to the woman, poured it on her lips and then passionately kissed her.
"OH! Pierre zat was a wonderful kiss, Cest Magnifique! What was that amazing liquid?"
"When Pierre Ze fightair Pilote kisses on ze lips zey must taste of roses!"
"OH Pierre, how romantique, Kiss me on these!" AS she whips off her blouse and bra.
Pierre goes  once again to his little wall cabinet, slides out the second drawer and removes another vial of liquid which he holds to the light, then uncorks and sniffs. He then went back to the woman and poured on the liquid and kisses her passionately on the required places.
"OH Pierre! Zat was even better!...Kiss me down there!" as she whips off her daks.
Pierre once more goes over to his little wall cabinet, opens the third drawer, pulls out a vial, holds it to the light, uncorks and sniffs it then takes it over to the woman and pours it onto her groin, then stands back a safe distance, strikes a match and throws it onto the liquid, which goes up with a whoomp. The woman screams, and while she's beating out the bushfire, cries "WHAT WAS ZAT FOR?"
 "When Pierre ze Free French Fightair Pilote goes down, He goes down in flames!"
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Offline HEVEN67

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« Reply #47 on: June 14, 2007, 05:33:52 pm »
BIG AL STUMBLES INTO THE DUBBO PUB WITH A CAT AND AN EMU.
THE BARTENDER YELLS " NO ANIMALS IN THE PUB BIG AL",


Who?



Oh Pierre you are so................... RUDE!
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.




Real muscle cars have 3 pedals. Where theres smoke theres Tyres

Offline HEVEN67

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« Reply #48 on: June 17, 2007, 06:40:27 pm »
A female dwarf goes to the doctor complaining of an embarrassing itch in the groin area.
 
The doctor looks her up and down, picks her up and stands  her on his desk.
 
He lifts up her skirt and sticks his head under. A little  perplexed, she hears snip, snip, snip.
 
The doctor emerges from under her skirt . "How's  that?"
 
"Well it's a lot better actually, but....... it's still  there"
 
Undaunted, he dives under her skirt for another  go.
 
Snip, snip, snip. Out he comes.
 
"How's that?" He asks, more confident.
 
"That's wonderful, what did you do?"
 
"I trimmed the top of your Ugg boots"
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.




Real muscle cars have 3 pedals. Where theres smoke theres Tyres

Offline HEVEN67

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God's Sense of Humour
« Reply #49 on: June 19, 2007, 04:54:13 pm »
A guy walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,

"Excuse me Miss, day ye harv eni books on suicide?"

In response to which, she stops doing what she's doing, looks at him over the top of her glasses, and says,

"Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!"
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.




Real muscle cars have 3 pedals. Where theres smoke theres Tyres
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